MORE POETRY

A boy in his room had once said;

"There's a sticker book under my bed!",

I left him alone, as I talked on the phone,

and now there's a chicken on his head.

I BEEN THINKIN

I think about thinking about things.

I think life is not at all like a box of chocolates.

I think by now we should all be riding around in flying cars, as promised.

I think Nick at Nite should rerun "What's Happenin". (hay-HAY-hay)

I think it must be reeeeeally easy to get a cab drivers license.

I think Elvis is dead.

I think the invention of the big gulp cup with the little bottom for cupholders was pure genius.

I think there should be more foods on sticks.

I think robots should clean my house.

I think Hollywood has completely run out of things to make movies about.

I think kids should come with an "off" button.

I think bigfoot is real and we should leave him alone.

I think if you go to jail, chances are the guy you've been warned about is not named "Bubba".

I think they should re-survey the 4 out of 5 dentists who recommend sugarless gum.

I think Samuel L. Jackson is the baddest mo-fo on the planet.

I think Michael Jackson looks like Peter Pan.

I think marriage is the leading cause of divorce in this country.

I think that if you have 1 problem, a pill with 17 side effects aint the answer.

I think realistically Slater would have pummelled Screech at orientation.

I think I'm done.

FOOTBALL FOR IDIOTS

The only pre-game commentary you'll ever need;

(cue the music)

If they're gonna be successful tonight, they need to get the ball up the field, by making first downs and moving the chains. They must establish the run with a balanced passing game. They need to put points on the board, keep their defense off the field, pick up the blitz, and give the quarterback time in the pocket.

Someones got to step up, someones got to block down, someones got to close the gaps, and someones got to pick up the screen.

They need to control the clock, control the tempo, control the ball, and control the line of scrimmage.

They should be able to convert third downs with their west coast offense, and use their two minute drill against the nickel defense.

They can't afford any penalties, they can't allow any touchdowns, they can't leave the receivers open, and they can't turn the ball over.

They gotta watch the short pass, they gotta watch the long bomb, they gotta watch the reverse, and gotta watch for the quarterback sneak.

They can't be afraid to go over the middle,(under the safety), or run it up the gut and down the sideline.

Though they've been plagued by injuries, if they stick to their original game-plan, they should be effective if they use the shot-gun after the 2 minute warning.

Back to you Dan......

A GENIUS INVENTION

Funny Pics at pYzam.com

Defensive driving is important. In Florida, it's manditory. From the lost tourist pointing out every pelican he sees, to the 115 year old who graces our streets at 25 mph during rush hour, you're in trouble just startin the car. And don't forget about mr. cell phone guy, mrs. make-up, mr. c.d. changer, or mr. I paid more for this stereo than I did for this car. It's just a pleasure to share my streets with all of them. So, after my last near death experience with one of Floridas finest rolling roadblocks, I decided to take some action.

Since we can't change bad driving habits, I am working on a better solution. A way to help avoid accidents and minimize road rage. Here's what I got so far.

There should be some kind of device that lets other drivers know what you are up to. I figure this device should probably be on the outside of the car so others can see it easily. I could ask car manufacturers to install it on all cars, so we'd all have it. Maybe a light or something. Possibly a blinking light. And I'd put it on all four corners of the car, so everyone around me could see it. It also should be simple to operate, like a small lever on the steering column, so even more-ons can work it. Yeah, I think I'm on to something here. I just don't know what I should call it...

SAVED

Had my visit from my two favorite, uninvited, neighborhood gospel spreaders today. Yeah, I know what you're thinkin, but I got busted in the driveway. I got to say, this guys Jehovah mobile has better stealth capabilities than any Imperial Star Destroyer or Klingon Battlecruiser. Didn't even see it comin. I figure if we explain to him how our good friend Osama is in need of some spiritual guidance, and get the Marines to tail him.... problem solved.
Even still, we had our fun with them. My son starts to pester and annoy one of them to the point that he was looking at a way out worse than I was. "Wanna see my trick?" "Where's your car?" "Can I have another book?" "I'm 4" "I have a hole in my shoe" Priceless commentary-perfectly timed. I turned to my daughter, only to proudly discover her instincts are more honed than my own, she's long gone. So I took my bible lesson like a man, until they decided they had enough 4 year old for the day.
Then, just as mysteriously as they popped up, they seemed to de-materialize. I doubt they'll be back too soon.
It's hard to say who will win the war. But this battle belonged to us.