Friday, January 11, 2008
Writed by damon at 11:13 AM
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Writed by damon at 3:03 PM
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Once in a while, when least expected, the karma gods will send you a little sign.
Just to show they have a sense of humor.
Today, karma god smiled on me.
Not a little grin. Not a small smirk.
I got the Cheshire cat - just ate a box of Crest whitening strips smile.
Read on, my karma retributional friends.
My pinhead, arrogant, self-indulgent, nothings ever good enough, bossman, decided to pay me a visit at my jobsite. As one might expect, he shows at the lunch hour, when rather than tending to our delegated tasks, we are eating.
He summons me from my convenient store cuisine with a somewhat demanding "my time is more valuable than yours" tone in his voice.
I comply, disparagingly. Still chewing.
He proceeds to the living room of the house, pissed about who knows what for who cares why.
When part way through his idiotic speech about lunch breaks, ...it happened.
In front of about 6 carpenters, a painter, and a stone mason, ...it happened.
I sneezed. I'm not talkin "achoo, scuse me" sneeze. This was a from the diaphragm, wall decorating, pull a muscle in your back, duck and cover, beauty of a sneeze, that only could be summoned by the gods of karma.
For as they would have it, the sneeze was accompanied by a small piece of lunch, which launched itself from my uvula and perched itself precisely between the eyes of my attacker.
...He didn't notice.
...We didn't tell him.
How could he not know? He looked like he had just been hit with a snowball.
Why didn't anyone say anything? Cause karma god had their tongue. That's why.
He finished his ramblings about nothing. And with big, white, chewed up, food morsel still holding, firmly centered on his uni-brow, in all its' hilariously gross glory, he sped off.
Thank you karma gods.
I needed that.
Writed by damon at 12:51 PM
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
We have a new pet. It's not gonna lick my face or wag it's tail, but it ain't gonna crap on my carpet either. It has no legs, so it doesn't need to go for a walk, and it doesn't eat anything. It never needs a bath, and won't bark at the neighbors. We should have got one of these a long time ago. Mans' best friend, without the stink.
The anticipation of our bald little friend turning into a green afro-sporting mule has been tough, but there were chia-issues. It could have been less prep, but the chiastructions chiasuck.
Submerse chia-head in water. Done.
Wait 24 hrs. Done.
Soak seeds in water. Wait 24 hrs again. Crap.
If only I had read further on day 1, we'd be smearing gooey hair tonic on schedule. Instead, I was explaining to a 4 yr old, the importance of reading all the directions first. Lesson learned.
Now, I'm proud to report that all seed-goo has been spread as instructed and we will soon be bringing our friend to chia-cuts for a trim. Maybe a mohawk. Maybe some chia-dreds. Maybe not.
Writed by damon at 9:54 AM
Monday, January 7, 2008
Writed by damon at 9:00 AM