Friday, December 7, 2007


So, I'm listening to Christmas songs on the radio with the kiddies. We got stuck on a lyric to "Deck the Halls", and decided to check it out on the ol' one-horse sleigh superhighway. We actually found more than we bargained for.

Deck the Halls- "Troll the ancient yuletide carol, falalalala lalalala."
(Songs about trolls scare me.)

Jingle Bells - ..."he got into a drifted bank, and we, we got upsot"
I don't know what this means, but I'm not going to get upsot about it.

12 Days of Christmas - "8 maids-a-milking"
Sounds to me like someones re-gifting! Anyone who gives you this is probably not you're true love. Break up with them quick, because the partridge told me in two days you're getting "10 lords-a-leaping", and that's just wrong.

Santa Claus is Comin to Town- "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're
awake..." Santas gonna be in jail, and his mugshot they will take. Stalker.

T'was the Night Before Christmas - ..."while visions of sugarplums danced in their heads"
See? Egg-nogg does have halucinogenic side effects. And by the way, even the Keebler elves don't know what a sugarplum is.

Here We Come A' Wassailing - Didn't even get past the title of this one. But know this, I have never and will never wassail, and anyone who comes a'wassailing near me is gonna get hurt.

We Wish You A Merry Christmas - (2nd verse) "We want some friggy pudding, Please bring it right here". I didn't even friggy know there was a friggy second verse. And how can you have any friggy pudding, if you don't eat your meat? (Pink Floyd and friggy pudding- good times my friends- good times.)

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


As I try to negotiate traffic in my daily commute to and from here and there, one things got me more perplexed than a cross eyed hippo trying to ride a three wheeled skateboard. Why is every road I drive on under construction? I have had it with the detours, the barricades, and being behind the rock bouncing dumptruck.

And don't get me started on the guy holding the slow/stop sign playing God with who is late for work and who isn't. Is this a career you apply for? Does anyone know what it takes to land this gig? It is disturbing to me that a person whose job description is "hold sign here - spin when necessary", can back up traffic with the flick of the wrist.

I think the worst thing to be in Pinellas County, Florida - is a bridge. Your days are numbered my concrete, water spanning friend. It seems to me that if sailboat manufacturers would have spent 8 minutes with the original bridge builder, the height issue may have come up, and we wouldn't be replacing EVERY bridge around here.

I'm also not fooled by the generator powered lights. Maybe it's easier to poorly make roads at night, when you're tired, and when you have been leaning on your shovel all day. I don't know, just spitballin here.

Just to let everyone know, I wash my truck every other weekend. The department of transportation is aware of this. How do I know? They create huge clouds of concrete dust,
pump water across the streets, or paint the stripes on the road, every other Monday. Murphy's Law right up the old tailpipe.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007



Went Christmas shopping for the little "darlings" this weekend. Didn't actually get much but I did notice, things have changed since I was a kid. Everything is designed to stimulate the underdeveloped noggin of these kids to the point of actually placing" anti-seizure" warnings on stuff. Some other stuff caught my eye too...

G.I. Joe has obviously been taking steroids since I last saw him.

If it doesn't move by itself, you're kids won't like it.

Kids only get Tinkertoys if they're bad. I got them for bein a good boy.

Toys R Us doesn't sell Big Wheels or Green Machines.

Way too many toys are "collectors editions". Can we play with 'em?

Everything has some assembly required. I guess"made in China" means "you do it".

Lincoln logs are hidden in the corner on the bottom shelf. They suck anyway.

"Pong" was only for rich spoiled kids. Now there's a whole electronics section for rich spoiled kids.

Our kids can't get the recommended daily allowance of lead by chewing their toys.

They actually make a doll that takes a dump. Oooh what fun for your little princess.

......silly putty still tastes the same.