Friday, July 11, 2008

This is how we do it

Keepin it simple. Keepin me sane.
Rock Solid Household advice.
Time saving tips.
Words to live by.

In my kingdom, the only breakfast question is, "Do you want your Pebbles -Fruity or Cocoa?"
Simplicity- at it's finest.

If it's growing in the yard, and it's green, it stays.
If it's growing in the 'fridge, and it's green, it goes.

The spaghetti is done when all the boiling water is gone.
No need for pesky timers.

The pork chops are done when the smoke detector goes off.
Once again, no pesky timer.

In the case where dinner is not pork or pasta,
dinner is ready when the first kid says, "Oh man, not Helper again."

Clean the kids rooms with a rake.
What you get is laundry, what you miss is garbage.

Whites go in hot, colors go in cold. That's it.
All them other knobs and settings don't do anything.

When the kids are good, take them for ice-cream.
When they're bad, take them to Home Depot.

Buy a Swiffer-Vac for the wood floors.
Just do it. It's awesome.

Entertaining the little nose-pickers doesn't need to be expensive.
Just last night we played a rousing game of "find the smell."
Fun, free, ...and necessary. (Believe me.)


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Monday, July 7, 2008

How do you train to eat wieners?

Jammin wieners down your throat is not only a sport, it's a competition.
..and it makes mama so proud.
Billed as "The Rematch II - this time it's personal," because, let's face it, what's more personal than a guy who can swallow more weenie than you.

Apparently ESPN could find no other sport worthy of airtime ( I guess there was no spelling bee or cheerleading competition goin on) and decided that the gluttony on Coney Island should draw those high ratings they've been dreamin of.

These 2 skinny dudes both managed to cram 55 (that's fifty freakin five) tube shaped whoknowswhatsintheres down their gullets in 10 minutes. Forcing a 5 dog frank-off.

...And we have a winner, Joey Chestnut.
Better at eatin wienies than any fat guy in our country.
Better than any woman, at crammin meat in - and swallowin it down.
He defeated his arch nemesis Kobayachi, who blames an arthritic jaw for his downfall. (I thought getting 'turf-toe' in football was weird, but this just proves that EVERY sport has its injuries!)
Just a bit of advice, from one dog to another, Joey. You may not want to make your accomplishments known on say, a trip to Key West or San Francisco. You would get a waaay different reception than you're expecting.
And if you're ever incarcerated, put the hush-hush on the gobblin skills.
'cause no one likes a bragger.
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