Friday, February 1, 2008


February 2.

Only the most important weather predicting day of the year.
By far, the stupidest thing on my calendar.

As far as I'm concerned, if I don't get the day off or at least some crappy gift, it ain't a holiday.
Yet some podunk, backwoods city in Pennsylvania spends the whole year prepping for this little beaver thing to schlep out of its' hole.

Ceremonies are planned, guests are invited, there's probably a tent rented, and everybody dusts off the ol' tophat.... for an event that takes about 6 seconds. Unless the little badger doesn't emerge on his own and they have to drag his furry ass out. Thus only adding to the joyful bliss of this momentous occasion.

This is a lot of pressure for a groundhog.
If he's right, they feed him for another year.
If he's wrong, I think they eat him.
Isn't that what "ground chuck" is?

Turns out that the National Climatic Data Center rates the accuracy of the bucktooth little furball at 39%.
That kinda sucks.
But it's still better than the local weatherman.
And the woodchuck doesn't have a doppler radar. No Viper 2000. No stormseeker 800. No thermometer. No nothin.
He's workin with the sun, a hole, and a cloud.
So some slack is due.

'Cause suns, holes, and clouds ain't easy to work with.

Monday, January 28, 2008

send ME your dollar

Over the weekend, ABC news had a poll.
For .99 you could call in and have your voice heard.
Small price to pay, ...less than a buck,...what a bargain.

A chance to take part in the political process.
To possibly help mold the future of our great nation.
For less than one dollar.

What a country.

They posed the question:
If the Presidential election was held today, who would you vote for?

Seems innocent enough.
Think for a moment, choose your candidate, push the phone digits, give your reply.

The results were tallied and pie-graphed at the end of the program.
36% for this schmoo, 29% for that schmuck, 16% for the hillbilly, 8% for Mayor McCheese, and 11% undecided.

Heh, um, what did I miss?
I was careful not to bring any common sense to the old politico table, but 11% of the callers were actually undecided?
The call was a dollar!
What brain-dead political science major makes a .99 phone call and doesn't have a vote?
Say Scooby Doo for a goof.
Vote for Dee from Good Times just for laughs.
But to plunk down your Big-Mac money just to say you don't know?

Picture it;
Hello, ABC news polling line. Who would you like to vote for?
Der, uuuuhhhh, I uuuuhhh, mmmmm, well I am just ahh uhh, not sure.
Thank you for callin in, Gomer.

I do believe I've seen the future America.
And it ain't good.