That's What Friends Are For

I should be a millionaire by now!

If only I would have put more thought into this site of stupidity, I could be planning my early retirement. But nnooooo, I used it for for my own amusement and selfish therapeutic needs....dammit.

I have been listed at blogcatalog.com for about 2 months now. On any given day, I receive anywhere from 15 to 25 e-mail alerts letting me know that some one out there has added me as a friend! Now, just to do a little math here; 20 new friends a day X 60 days = 1200 wonderful, kind, caring, fellow blog people, who would gladly be clickin ads and buyin blog spaces to secure the financial future for my kids. Hey, college ain't cheap!

Well since I screwed all that up, I have come up with some other ways for me and all my new friends to come together and form long lasting, meaningful relationships;

My yard is a mess. I figure 20 to 30 of my new buds would be happy to help me rake up all these damn leaves from my neighbors tree. If we get done early enough, maybe we could cut down the freakin thing.

My house could use a fresh coat of paint. If I could get about 30 to 40 friends to lend a hand, we could have my little shoebox lookin good in about an hour. A small sacrafice for such valuable comradery

I really need a vacation. Maybe like 2 weeks in the Bahamas. So, I'll need about 15 of the most patient, kindest, caring friends to watch my two little monsters while I'm away. Don't worry, I'll bring you back a souvenir ashtray, or one of those coconut monkeys.

I may, or may not, be moving soon. I don't know. But the true friendship test is who shows up on moving day. I figure if 50 of you can either bring your pick-up or borrow daddys', you could help drag all my crap cross town. Then I won't need to rent a u-haul.

Since I don't make any money posting, I'm a little short this week. So when we go to dinner, I'm gonna need a solid from my homies. A true-blue doesn't mind pickin up the tab once in a while. Don't panic, I'll get the tip. (But since it's on you, I'm gettin dessert.)

I'm really looking forward to spending quality time with all my new friends.

Thanks in advance, -d

If you need my help I'm at http://www.humor-blogs.com/

Gettin' TIREd

Turns out, I am a daredevil.

No fancy cape or nothin, just a normal guy risking his life by driving around with bad tires.

This according to the shmuckface non-mechanic who you first meet when you walk into the tire store.

Tony Shmuckatelli (the mechanic) is never happy with his customers. They are all at his shop because they have abused their cars to the point where just puttin in gas won't solve the problem. So you must sit in the car-abusers time-out room. The duration of your time-out is directly proportional to the amount of abuse you've inflicted on your poor Hyundai. Driving over a nail gets you one hour, while forgetting to have your radiator flushed gets you a whole day. So you will sit and watch the Static Network or read the maintenance brochures of what you should have done to avoid your punishment. Either way, you're screwed.

I got a screw in my tire. Not a huge to-do. The tire wasn't flat. It just made a clickin sound everytime it rolled around atop the screwhead. Like a high hat cymbal, only louder. I kinda liked it. Anyway, I figured they'd pull it out, plug it up, and send me on my patched up little way...

I was wrong.

First off, my wiper blades were beginning to show signs of wear. And as we all know, wiper blades are the first thing you check when you are patching a tire.

I also was getting close to needing an oil change. And if I was a good car owner, I would want to take care of this , NOW!

He was kind enough to drag me out to mechanicland and point out that I should not be driving around on these tires, and today was my lucky day! They were having a sale on my size tires!

And if I didn't have the 9 bills up front, they would finance me up to my poorly oiled door hinges.

The idiot then makes sure everyone else in the oil smellin holding tank, hears my problems and how I just don't love my car enough to pay his guilt-ridden ransome.

I walked out with my $13 tire patch receipt, head hangin a little low, and got into my truck feeling like the most neglectful car owner on the planet.

Thanks for the guilt trip, pinhead.

Somethin fun

I was playin around and found somethin cool to do.
These are some of my own creations:

There are tons more templates to screw with. Check it out at http://www.customsigngenerator.com/

Have fun.