Wednesday, December 19, 2007


A famous man once quoted his mama and said, "A man only needs so much money to live, and the rest is just for show. " I think Mr. Gump was right.

My morning routine was off to a stellar start. You've been there. Perfect ratio of sugar/creamer to 7-11's finest mountain roast java. The last sprinkly donut sitting there waiting for you in the little pastry aquarium. The store is packed, yet there is only one person in the checkout line ahead of you. It's breakfast-time bliss with a side of hashbrowns.
But I am even-steven. The symbionic relationship between my expectations and my reality was once again about to kick me in crotch.
I would (reluctantly) have traded half my sprinkly donut to be in line ahead of the only person between me and the gold medal for the convenient store relay.
She stood at the counter, in all her AARP glory. Hair in beehive perfection. Diamonds dangling from every wrinkled limb. Rolex watch. Tailor-made pantsuit. Mercedes key chain hanging from her Gucci purse. Standing there. Mocking my possible achievement.
For, as blatant as she was with her display of wealth, she had a portfolio binder which housed 20 minutes worth of lotto tickets. Lotto, Fantasy 5, Play4, Pick 3, you name it-I'm gonna be here a while.
I find it difficult to imagine what her financial requirements actually are, or how much more this woman needs to prove her more-money-than-you lifestyle. All I could do is stand there, feel a little sorry for her, and imagine what she'd look like with a slurpee on her head. Dripping with lemon-lime goodness. Soaked to the facelift with blue-raspberry. Drowning in wild-cherry.

Todays lesson:
Greed is bad. Ambition is good. Sprinkly donuts reign supreme.