Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Country Gold

It is officially official.
Nashville has run out of things to write songs about.

Not that I expect too much intellectual stimulus from country music, but come on guys, throw us a (ham)bone.

Gary Allen- I'm just sittin round here watching airplanes.
Rrrrrright. Okay then. So now you, Rainman, and Tatoo can all shout 'ze plane' together.
Just goes to show, three's company.
Especially in Tennessee.

Alan Jackson- The kids are gonna cry and the chickens gonna fry, you know it, Your car won't run, so your cousins comin by to tow it.
I smell Grammy! These brilliant, inspirational, lyrics are sure to get the nod from at least the Country Music Awards. Kids, chicken, and a towtruck in the family, that's the holy trinity of which redneck dreams are made.

Montgomery Gentry- You can work all day in the muck and the mire, dance a little jig, then stomp by the fire. I saw Deliverance too. (The pig part scares me.)

Brad Paisley- I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks, and I'd like to check you for ticks.
Well Brad, that's what happens you ain't made your move 'til ya hear 'last call'. Now you gotta drag her ugly ass out into the woods (so no one sees who you ended up with) and perform a quickie tick check before she sobers up. Judging by the quality of your date, might I also suggest a 'crab scan' while you're at it.

Kenny Chesney- Well, I won't let evolution make a monkey outta me, Oh Lord! I think I want my rib back. And who don't luv 'em sum ribs? I think evolution has taken it's toll already.

Soulja Boy- Soulja boy off in this OH, Watch me lean and watch me rock? Super Man dat OH, then watch me crank that Robocop?

.................................I got nothin.

-But apparently rap music's runnin a smidge low in the idea category too.

Oh, and a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of todays best lyricists, and my most very bestest friend, Claudio. The big 3-O, oh, Oh, Oh, oh, Oh, oh, Oh, you're runnin freeeeeeeeee..