Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Country Gold


It is officially official.
Nashville has run out of things to write songs about.

Not that I expect too much intellectual stimulus from country music, but come on guys, throw us a (ham)bone.

Gary Allen- I'm just sittin round here watching airplanes.
Rrrrrright. Okay then. So now you, Rainman, and Tatoo can all shout 'ze plane' together.
Just goes to show, three's company.
Especially in Tennessee.

Alan Jackson- The kids are gonna cry and the chickens gonna fry, you know it, Your car won't run, so your cousins comin by to tow it.
I smell Grammy! These brilliant, inspirational, lyrics are sure to get the nod from at least the Country Music Awards. Kids, chicken, and a towtruck in the family, that's the holy trinity of which redneck dreams are made.

Montgomery Gentry- You can work all day in the muck and the mire, dance a little jig, then stomp by the fire. I saw Deliverance too. (The pig part scares me.)

Brad Paisley- I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks, and I'd like to check you for ticks.
Well Brad, that's what happens you ain't made your move 'til ya hear 'last call'. Now you gotta drag her ugly ass out into the woods (so no one sees who you ended up with) and perform a quickie tick check before she sobers up. Judging by the quality of your date, might I also suggest a 'crab scan' while you're at it.

Kenny Chesney- Well, I won't let evolution make a monkey outta me, Oh Lord! I think I want my rib back. And who don't luv 'em sum ribs? I think evolution has taken it's toll already.

Soulja Boy- Soulja boy off in this OH, Watch me lean and watch me rock? Super Man dat OH, then watch me crank that Robocop?

.................................I got nothin.

-But apparently rap music's runnin a smidge low in the idea category too.
_________________________________________

Oh, and a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of todays best lyricists, and my most very bestest friend, Claudio. The big 3-O, oh, Oh, Oh, oh, Oh, oh, Oh, you're runnin freeeeeeeeee..

19 comments:

Mr Lady said...

I was reading this and planning my comment..."PLEASE do rap next!"

You beat me to the punch.

I knew there was a reason I don't listen to country!

jiveturkey said...

Oh, the Country Bears. Appearing in my nightmares since 1985.

This is why I hate modern country music. Although I have to admit that "I Spent My Last $10 On Birth Control And Beer" is pretty brilliant.

damon said...

Mr. Lady- Don't get me started on rap! They think "remix" is a new music genre.

Jiveturkey- What else you gonna buy with $10?

texas gal said...

where you from boy? somewhere north of the mason-dixon line, i 'spect. round these here parts, makin' fun of our music is fighin' words.

April said...

great post! laughed my tick free ass off!

Jeff said...

'crab scan' - funny. And why not a nice delousing while we're at it eh?

cablegirl said...

Scary shit! Ah, that's why I never listen to country. Thank you for demonstrating that I'm not missing anything. lol


blog hop hop hoppin...

Shelli said...

I almost peed my pants when I read this post!

Goat ropers rule! lol

Hoppin' by....

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

Thank heavens I'm not the only one! There isn't much for the Cledus T. Judds of the world to do with some of these, they are parodies themselves.
Of course, my current sountrack is anything sung by the Backyardigans, the theme to Max & Ruby, and the catchy theme song to the Teletubbies.

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

Blog Hopping
Kudzu Queen

Miss Ann Thrope said...

Oh, you are officially my new crush. Stalking will now commence. But don't worry, I got nooooo ticks.

Brunette said...

Unfortunately I am in half country - half country floating from the cars passing by or Hannah Montana floating from my daughter's room. I can't win either way!

Diesel said...

Rap and country are 2 genres where irony and stupidity intermingle like first cousins in Kentucky.

Chuck said...

Ah yes, the tick check. I haven't subscribed to that method since... ah, yeah never!

Funny - Blog Hoppin' - Chas

Mr. Shife said...

You are correct sir. I remember thinking something like that when I first heard that Brad Paisley song about ticks. Nashville needs some help.

Manic Mom said...

OK, I didn't really get your comment, but I kinda laughed, then went to your profile and see it's an answer to your question, which kinda made me laugh again, and then I see you're in Fla, and the same age as I am, and I used to live in Fla, so then I wonder if we're connected somehow from a while ago, then I said, "Manic, don't flatter yourself," and then I said, "Cute kid of yours." and then I gave up on Trying to keep up.

: )

Thanks for stopping by! I'll do better next time!

VE said...

You realize, of course, Country and rap make up CRAP! Just saying...

Miss Ann Thrope said...

Um, you ever WRITE anything on here anymore?

I'm conducting interviews. Come play.

janet said...

you missed brad paisley's latest -- where he's glad he "has a pair" ... cuz he's a guy.

yup