Thursday, May 8, 2008

Not much to love..

Love bugs.

Or is it Lovebugs.

These little sex-crazed bastards are everywhere. Flying around like a two-headed lab experiment gone wrong. Decorating car fronts, radiators, and anything that they can possibly smack into.

If only Ford would make trucks with a teflon coating, maybe the front of my ride wouldn't look like it was a bug guts depository.

And maybe I could see out my windshield. Oh yeah, the wipers help. Help smear the innards and wings from paint ball splat, to loooong arched stripe. Nice heh?
Some people suggest puttin a layer of cookin oil on your hood, so the smushed entrails don't stick to your paint job. Or even a better suggestion I've heard, don't drive during the day.
So these people want me to drive around at night with a greased up front end, like a horny vampire, and look for a job on the midnight shift. All in the name of love bug preservation.

There is a beauty to them though.
The female only lives three days.
She hatches, hooks her ass up to the closest male, gets a free ride flyin backwards while they do it, and if they can avoid bein smashed on a windshield, lays eggs, then dies.
So basically, she hooks in, hangs on, shuts up, and passes away.

See the beauty?


14 comments:

leigh said...

i thought only texas was blessed (cursed) with these nasty things.

speaking of nasty...is that your camel toe?

April said...

LMAO! great post! but before u say how perfect that is... does the guy bug have to raise all the kids??

Anonymous said...

I can see how that would excite you to have the females gone, gives the males more time and reasons to play with each other! Every males dream!

sprinkle4 said...

This post has given my husband reason to live:)......if it could happen to female bugs....who KNOWS what might happen?

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I got enough protein to last a lifetime one summer when I was out riding my bike with some friends and we get getting smacked with lovebugs swarms.....I had braces.....and a cold which meant open-mouthed breathing.

Enough said.

They don't offer a special "love bug removal" device on home water pic machines.

-k said...

I'm sure you could find some very interesting job opportunities while driving around after midnight....

lizh said...

A good laugh to start off my day with...thanks!

VE said...

I'm working on a patent that sends an intense burst of heat out in front of the car and incinerates all bugs before they reach your car...

Bee said...

Ahhhh... nice post to read while having my coffee.
You'd figure that the oil would attract them to your windshiled since they might need the lube.

Alice said...

Blech...lots of bug posts today. I remember swarms of those bugs in Savannah funkifying my car.

bloggernoob said...

haha. pretty funny. wondering if the author is female or male. should i laugh or be offended? ;)

Jonny's Mommy said...

No, I'm sorry I don't see the beauty in it...I like the bugs who mate and then eat the male. Cooool.

I hate bugs...

Pappy McSlappy said...

I think this is the first time I have laughed out loud all day...thanks

Jennifer said...

Yea, I thought it was only the Southeast US. I hate those darn things. Great post! ha.