Monday, February 25, 2008

Happy Hour?

I don't think I like being told by my local drinking establishment when to be happy.
Sometimes I go in, not happy at all.
And 2 for 1 draft beer and well drinks, ain't gonna change that.

#1. I hate draft beer.
#2. They call them 'well' drinks, because, well, they suck.

I, for one , am not putting the timing of my oh so fragile emotions in the hands of an industry that purposely sets their clocks wrong, and calls 4pm - 7pm happy 'hour'.
That's three hours, and if you drink well drinks for three hours, well, you won't be happy, you'll be sick.

Or maybe, you're lucky enough to find a bar with "happy hour" all day Sunday. Once again, what the bartender wrings out of a rag and serves up as half priced, all day on a Sunday, will have you yackin clear through Tuesday.

So, in Damons Drunkatorium, (that's my bar name, if I had a bar) we're gonna cover all the reasons you're in a bar. Happy or not.

"Slightly Peeved and Perterbed Hour" - You get 60 minutes to drink your way into a memory lapse to forget the weeks stupidity. I got to go with Captain Morgan & Coke on this one.

"Emphatically Euphoric and Delighted Hour"- We'll serve up that fu-fu garbage happy people all love. Pitchers of 'fuzzy navels' or 'sex-on-the-beach' should shut 'em up.

"Crazed and Out of Your Freakin Mind Hour"- Tequila shots aaaaaalll around. Buenos noches, mi amigo.

"Anxiety and Paranoia Hour"- I figure an Irish Coffee should fill the bill. I'm pretty sure the alcohol and the caffeine cancel each other right out. Just like the voices in your head. And if it doesn't, you won't worry about being seen leaving the bar with who's left at 2 am.

"Lonely and Depressed Hour"- Just for fun, I've decided to 2 for 1 draft beer is painfully appropriate. You know, that tear in your beer thing. Oh, and each table will only have one chair, so you can sit alone in all your solitary pathetic glory.

"Totally Ticked Hour"- This could be scary. I'll have to post a disclaimer (and an armed guard). With a bar full of angry workin stiffs and enraged alcoholics, I'm servin, you guessed it, Jack Daniels and Grand Marnier. Just wind 'em up and watch 'em go.

Note : Dart league cancelled during "totally ticked hour".


rock.and.roll said...

Love the idea.

How do JD and Grand Manrnier mix?

cardiogirl said...

"Anxiety and Paranoia Hour" That's my hour. Sign me up!

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I'm thinking snakebites during TTH. And wings.

liz said...

I'll be at the 'Crazed and Outta' Your Freakin' Mind Hour'! Sounds like a great idea to me!

Jeff said...

Maybe the drinks should always be discounted, and they should have a "depressed hour" where they double the prices for an hour.

Or not.

Tara R. said...

The Drunkatorium sounds like the rockin' place to be.

blog hopping (hour) - etcetera

1stopmom said...

I like the idea too

blog hopping on by


Sounds great to me!

Mommy Bits said...

I bartended all through college and our motto was that you can't trust anyone who drinks well liquor.

Even the broke college kids knew better and would drink beer.

Blog Hoppin~

Anastasia Beaverhousin

Anonymous said...

In our house we have "Daddy's Home and will now play with the kids and give Mommy a little break" hour.

Wine or beer is served.

(BlogHopping with coffee)

Sarabeth said...

We'd call our pub "The Grumpy Goat".

Blog hopping--HP

Stacey @Real World Mom said...

LOL! I like your ideas much better!

Happy Saturday! Blog Hoppin'! :-)
"Margarita Mom"

April said...

My favorite is Lonely and Depressed Hour.

Blog Hoppin',
Balancing Hops

Shelli said...

I have well water at home. It's nasty, just like well liquor!

Bloghoppin' by...Shelli

april said...

funny blog. I would go for the
"Slightly Peeved and Perterbed Hour"

Ingrid said...

Big fan of the "Slightly Peeved and Perterbed Hour." Great blog.

Nick Phillips said...

I'd have to agree with you. How can I be happy at that hour when I'm still working away? LOL!

the frogster said...

"They Sent My Job Overseas Hour," which occurs at 11am on Thursday. Kingfisher, Kalyani Black Label, Tsingtao and Kirin are on tap and offered at a reduced price.

Mr Lady said...

I think I love you.

In the defense of at least ONE bar, the bar I worked at for years had a slamming good happy hour. I was totally proud of it.

And we didn't serve well drinks. Ever. We didn't even carry well liquor.