Thursday, February 21, 2008

COACH DAMON


Well, my posts have been a little sparce this week, but dammit hey, I been busy. Between the kids insisting that I feed them every day, and the general lack of common sense at work, I am more frustrated than a cross-eyed hippo tryin to ride a three wheeled skateboard.
And to top it all off, now I'm coaching my sons t-ball team.
Not because I have extra time on my hands.
Not because I have some skills to pass on to future baseballers.
It's because I answered the phone.
And I know better.

If you've never experienced 5 year old baseball, oh, it's a must see. I'm sure if the concession stand sold Pabst Blue Ribbon, we could easily get this thing on ESPN. Couple of drunk guys screamin at little Timmy because the grounder went through his legs. Or maybe some dude comes stormin out of the stands when Alex Jr. gets a hit and runs straight to third.

I'm sure Vegas could find a way to lay odds on this stuff.
4-1 odds that the right fielder sits down and starts singing "Puff the Magic Dragon."
Even money that at least once during the game, some kid drops his glove, grabs his crotch, and sprints to the bathroom yellin, "I gotta go potty!"
5-1 odds for a parent fight ending with 'police assistance'.
No bets on the final score though.
After all, it's not about winnin or losin , it's about the children having fun.
We'll see.

I'll update you on our teams progress. Meanwhile I'm off to practice my pitching . I've got two days to learn how to throw a fast ball - 1 foot off the ground.

13 comments:

Jeff said...

Hey - glad you stopped by so I could return the visit. I really like your stories. I'll be back later to catch up :-)

SherryTex said...

Hahahahahahaha

I know five year old baseball. A litter of puppies jacked up on Mountain Dew are more sedate.

I'll predict three things for you.
1) one mom will be outraged that you don't see the blossoming talent akin to Nolan Ryan and Cal Ripken, Derek Jeter and Sammy Sosa in her son.
2) One kid will think it is funny to play in the dirt in the batter's box to the point of blinding himself nearly every time he comes to bat.
3) Two moms will become the catty chatters who snipe about how poorly everyone else's kids play and behave.
4) You will introduce your kid to soccer --why? Because of the hour time limit.

PG said...

baseball rocks. Baseball with the kindergarten set, well.... It's not really all that identifiable as baseball. I liked coaching when they were 7 or so, then it started becoming something at least somewhat familiar looking. Have fun with it. Make sure the kids are having fun with it! ENJOY!!

Nice site - my first stop over courtesy weekend blog hoppin'

Honeybell said...

Wow. You are a better man than me. And that's not just because I'm a girl. You couldn't pay me enough to coach 5 year old ANYTHING!

DrunkenHoney~BlogHoppin'!

April said...

Oh, I totally hear you on that kids eating thing. Mine not only want food every day - multiple times a day! The nerve...

Blog Hoppin'

jeremy said...

one word: milfs

Drowsey Monkey said...

Oh man....always let it go to voice mail...Voice Mail! ;)

Mommy Bits said...

lol. I can see it now... adults battling over who makes a better second base-man. Good luck and be sure to keep us posted!

Shannan
Blog Hopper.

3XMom said...

lol. that is great - my 6 yr old want to try T-ball...so I can't wait to join in the fun.

Don said...

Screen. Every. Call!

You're not avoiding the caller, you're avoiding the guilt they're trying to lay on you!

Diesel said...

Good luck! And Happy Inappropriate Card Day!

Jon D (Graco) said...

Love your stories!
If you see a kid skipping to first base - that'd be mine. Makes a dad proud, I'll tell ya.

leigh said...

hi damon!
i too was once naive enough to volunteer to coach my son's soccer team. never again. it's a thankless job and no one appreciates what you are doing. and the moms were the worst!! at least the dads knew enough to keep quiet because they hadn't stepped up.
thanks for the comments!!