Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Power of "duuh."

I don't exactly know when I became the smartest guy on the jobsite.
Maybe it's my quick wit and stunningly studious good looks.
Or maybe it's my "I'm with Stupid" t-shirt.
I can't be sure.

Whatever the reason, I've become some sort of stupid question vacuum.
A dumb-ass information booth where mindless wandering nimwads, stop and check in.
It's driving me nuts.

But now I have a new weapon.

One simple word that eliminates the stress of processing stupidity.
A single syllable which can send 'em away scratching their empty skull cavity in utter speechlessness---


"DUUH"



I have set my mind free!
No more searching through my few remaining brain cells for an undeserved answer!
No further thought processes to fathom insane inquiries!

"Damon, should we install a LOCKING knob on the bathroom door?"

--Last week- "No jackass, in the true interest of privacy, we've decided to install the toilet in the middle of the driveway."

--This week- "duuh."

See how this works? I am cruisin the construction zones with a crapload of 'duuh' strapped to my hip like a gunslinger.

"Damon, do you want all the garbage thrown in the dumpster?"

-- Last week- " Not this time braindead, load it up in your car until it reeeeaalllly starts to stink. Then drive to the dump and leave your car there."

--This week- (simply) - "duuh."

It works for anything, and has nooo comeback.
Just a priceless blank expression-


If you choose to use the 'duuh', be careful.
It does have it's limits.

Officer --"Do you know how fast you were going?"
Young Pa-duuh-wan learner--" You're the one with the radar gun, duuh."

You gotta be careful and not abuse the 'duuh' and all it's powers.
A wise man once said:
The power of duuh, is a curious thing.
Make-a one man weep, make another man sing.
Change a hawk, to a little white dove.
More than a feeling, that's the power of "duuh."


*Damon, where do we click to vote for you? Right over there --> "duuuh."

29 comments:

trecherous 1 said...

Where do I write my comment?
Right here in this box? Duuuh.

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

"the power of duuh" niiiiiice! yet another tool in my manager briefcase.

Karen said...

The wise man was Huey Lewis right?

Meg said...

Please tell me no orangutans or guys with big ears who look like orangutans were hurt during this post.

damon said...

trech- Now you're gettin it!

sandy- use it wisely, grasshopper.

karen- don't make me say it.

meg- only their feelings, my friend. Only their feelings.

Skip DeKades said...

All ya need is duh.
All ya need is duh.
All ya need is duh, love.
Duh is all ya need

Alice said...

I would use 'duuh' on my kids, but I'm too afraid that they'd use it back on me sooner rather than later.

leigh said...

damon, you are hysterical.

p.s. check your email. i sent you something.

Jenn Thorson said...

Think about how much time you'll save each day, too. I mean, you can shave HOURS off the day in useless, painful dialog, with your new plan.

Also the benefit to your heart health. Detailed explanations filled with rage can raise blood pressure and cause heart strain.

"Duuh," does not. So you'll have that going for you, too.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey has always been one to enjoy his morning constitutionals in an open air environment. This "toilet in the driveway" idea sounds smashing.

zubinsaxena said...

U r "duhh"fully...hilarious...

April said...

LOL! what on earth gave birth to those two?? WOW....and cute monkey! can i borrow him for my work place?

Bee said...

Dammit! I've been giving speeches!! I'm glad you set me straight!

Also, the new banner ROCKS!!

Leigh is a genius!

The Johnson's Zoo said...

I checked with my boss and he confirmed that you did not get permission to use his picture. You should be more careful in the future.

Keli said...

You mean all these years that I've been studying how to manage encounters and unprovoked attacks by stupers (short, as you know, for abysmally stupid persons), and the answer was that simple? Duh!!!

What happens when a stuper responds,
"Huh?"
Can you then beat them to a pulp and not get arrested?

Stephanie M said...

Damon - you're a genius! I'm starting this with the kids FIRST thing tomorrow morning! A karate kick to the chaos! shazam.

Sunshine said...

I will have to try it as soon as school starts August 25th... how will it work on my Third graders?

xup said...

I just found your blog, somehow and it's fun and you seem witty and everything, but I'm not sure about the stunnilgly studious good looks

VE said...

Does that mean I can bring all my stupid questions your way from now on?

damon said...

Skip- duh do duh duh duh -
duh do duh duh

Alice - think of it as a life lesson. It's just good parenting.

Leigh - why thank you, (I got it)

Jen - Time saving and stress reducing, it's powers are limitless.

Rickey - you may have started the next trend in homebuilding. Nice.

zubin - Ain't it wonduuhful?

April - you can HAVE them. They must be good for something.

Bee - Try it you'll like it!
( Hell yeah, Leigh rocks!!)

the zoo - I'll e-mail it back to him. what's that address?

keli - The duuh will ward off most repeat stuper encounters.

steph - Kids expect better from us. That's why it works so well!

sunshine - Make sure you let me know how it works out. I haven't tested it in schools...yet.

xup - Well welcome to my site of stupidity! Stick around long enough, everything is stunning.

VE - "duuuh" ;)

The Hypocritical One said...

Brilliant

Deb said...

I'm more with the "hhhmmmm." Keeps them guessing.

Stephanie M said...

I just read your comment on Diesel's blog - 8 something - made me laugh! Thanks

Diesel said...

I am here because I sensed someone using the lyrics of Huey for evil.

Sunshine said...

You have been blog tagged... your directions are on my site... thanks a million

http://www.freetogoodhomenotmine.blogspot.com/

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I hereby retitle this post as : "Duh And Duh-er."

Tracy said...

See, I am a child of the 80's and 90's and I remember when "duh" became a huge part of our vocabulary.
I also remember coming home one night, a little altered, to find my mom was still awake.
She said "You're just NOW getting home?"

Me "Duh"

Mom: Whack! as she slapped me across my face.

Duh is a very powerful thing. Be careful with the duh!

Queen Goob said...

HOLY CRAP!!!!!! I posted that SAME picture on August 1st.

That is SCARY.

Not the picture, the fact we both used it.

I had a family reunion to go to here in the Panhandle.

THAT was scary.

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