Monday, February 4, 2008

....Can't Live Without 'em

I'm a modern man.

I'm all for that equality among the sexes stuff.
Especially when it comes to watching sports.

There is a certain element missing without the female perspective.

Sometimes, it's like having a first class seat on the "ignorant express".
...and you should just enjoy the ride.

I mean, most women know that David Jeter plays for the Yankees. Even though most don't know what position he plays. Personally, I like the Yankees. They have a shortstop named Derek who's pretty good.

They also are smart enough to know that if you gotta go during a hockey game, you should wait until halftime. Which is why more women should enjoy hockey. The men play through three periods and there are two halftimes for peein.

I've also learned from women that if you're betting on the big game, scientifically, the team with the cuter mascot always has the edge. This is very valuable info if you're a gambler, because all those records and statistics could cloud your judgement.

However sometimes they need some help.

And I'm always here to help...

Yes, it's called the outfield because if you hit the ball there, you're out.

There are only four innings in football.

Skeet shooting is only done in the summer, 'cause that's when skeet are in season.

Cagefighting is fake, wrestling is real.

And yes, Dale Earnhardt Jr. gets free Budweiser.

I even came to the rescue this weekend.
I had to explain to my girlfriend that the "Pats" are the New England Patriots, and that they weren't playing the Tigers in the Superbowl.
After I was finished laughing , she pointed out that she meant to say "Lions."

I'm so glad she realized the Tigers are Detroits' baseball team.

Imagine the embarrassment of showing up to the superbowl party, ready to cheer for the Tigers instead of the Lions.

If only I'd had a jersey to loan her.... GO LIONS!!!


threio said...

LOl...But, you forgot, they can tell you who the QB is, and his cuteness will determine how irritated you will get when she starts rooting for your opponent!

The "blissfully ignorant" girlfriend said...

Threlo is so right- that is the one thing I noticed in football is that the QB's are the cute guys. Besides, Damon55, bet you could not tell the diff from a Gucci or a Guess bag, do you know the diff in all purpose flour and self-rising? Could you identify a brazilian cut bikini bottom from a mid scoop cut? I think not! Ha- you keep helping me to keep my sports knowledge (or lack of) in check and I'll help you with the "girl" stuff.

damonm55 said...

Dear "blissfully ignorant"-
The diff between a Gucci and Guess bag, is about a hundred dollars.

If all-purpose flour is truly all-purpose, you don't need self-rising.

...and the bikini bottom thing,
The Brazilian cut bottom is characterized mainly by a narrower section in the rear rising high on the hip to accentuate a womens curves. While a mid-scoop (or more commonly, "fixed mid scoop")can be brazilian cut, but generally provides more coverage in the back and rides lower on the hip. ;)

Still the "blissfully ignorant" girlfriend said...

Wrong! You can not identify the bags by price any more than identifying a "jock" out of uniform (except of course the cote QB'S who get pics plastered everywhere). Wrong! One of the all purpose flour's purposes isn't to "rise", and as far as the bikini bottoms, you had to have a copy of Victoria's Secret handy or you did some quick cyber searching! Actually, with the description you made, I am more than sure you cheated.

damonm55 said...

Drowsey Monkey said...

I love skeet season.

Clutter Chonny said...

Guess and Gucci at 100 dollar difference? Don't know where you're shopping, but point me in the general direction.

Me said...

Clutter Chonny- Don't tell Damon55 the real difference in Guess and Gucci- Birthday in July! Remember ignorance is bliss and so is Gucci!

Politically Blonde said...

Tom Brady introduced me to football a while ago. Before that, the sport might as well have not even existed, lmao

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I guess the outcomes of most ball games based solely on the color of their uniforms.

If it's brown, it gets a thumbs-down. Simple.

Maureen said...

Hahaha! But wrestling isn't real.... at least I won't watch it, so it's not part of MY real world :)

Still blog hoppin'

Mommy Bits said...

OK. You are super funny!!!

Blog Hopper,
Anastasia Beaverhousin

Joshua said...

This is freakin awesome. Those damn skeets only come out a couple months out of the year. They probably spend most of their time hibernating with those sneaky "tree alligators".