FOR SALE!!

Summer has arrived like a Buffalo herd crossin a Croc stream, and the kiddies are probably already gettin bored.

Well friend, have I got a deal for you!

12 feet in diameter, like a gajillion springs, soft rubbery bouncy mat, ripped and faded spring guard, and most importantly-- no pesky safety netting!

All this backyard bouncy fun can be yours for $11,877!!

All I need to do is recoup my investment up to this point. (You know, the initial cost, plus any unforseen incidentals that may have come up.)

Where else can you be guaranteed* a summer full of fun and airborne children, for less than $12g's? No where.
That's where.

AAAAnnnnd, because you are such a valued reader and member of the TTKU fan club, I'm gonna ship it free! Act now, and you will receive the entire set-up at your doorstep in time for the 4th of July!

(All except for 1 really big screw which will be shipped after surgical removal in about 6 months.)

*guarantee not actually guaranteed.

There are lots of screws loose over here.

No Octopii in Pittsburgh

Good news! Red Wings are Stanley Cup champions!!!

Bad news! No hockey for 3 months.

Now being a dedicated Tampa Bay Lightning fan, I had no real emotional stake in this.

But the Penguins pissed me right off and sent Monday nights game 5 into TRIPLE overtime.

Normally, I don't stay up that late unless there's a good buzz or some good nookie involved.

So, for keeping me awake until 1:00, and not seeing the Stanley Cup paraded around the rink in Detroit....

Take that Penguins.

...I hope you enjoyed being punked on home ice.

Click this for more punks.

Youth Gone Wild?

Technology has ruined the youth of our country.
Yeah, I said it.
They are laaazzy.
They spend their time on-line or attached to a video game, instead of doing their duty - as kids.
Bein' laaazzy.

But Damon, how do you know this?
What makes you an expert on teenage culture?

Three observations. That's what.

#1. Driving through my neighborhood I came across this mailbox.
Pretty cool, I thought.
But then it, dawned on me...
In my day Mr. Gator here, would have lost his head via Louisville Slugger about 2 days after we noticed it.
Todays kids just don't take the time to see that the neck is the weak point, and a not so precise blow, right above the nostril, would easily send his head onto the neighbors porch.


#2. There are some sweet-ass oak trees all over my fair city.
Beggin, just beggin, for a T-P job.
But, no.
Todays youth would rather tease you into therapy or give you an on-line virus, than put forth an honest act of playful vandalism.
..and that's just sad, because wikipedia even has directions for exactly how it's done!

#3. There are entirely too many power lines around here without shoes hangin from them. I can recall spendin most of a summers morn, pinning little Mikey down, stealin his shoes, and tying the laces together for a flight up to telephone line heaven.

But those days are gone.

And all we are left with....

are the memories.

humor-blogs smacks heads off gators

Oh, Hell Yeah

If you live in California, cancel your weekend plans!

Think about it.
Would you rather show up to your boring ass job on Monday and say, "I did a little yard work and then watched reruns of MASH until the hot pocket I cooked Tuesday finally cooled off enough to eat", or would you rather say, " I watched some drunk carpenters race their chainsaws, angle grinders, belt sanders and circular saws, down a home-made wooden dragstrip."


Choice is yours.
(Choose wisely)

May17-18. San Franciscos' Ace International Speedway.

Be there.

These geniuses hook up some of the best house wreckin, wall buildin, wood workin, electric driven, powertools, with guidewheels, redneck attitudes, and serve 'em up with a side order of damn straight.

Some dragsters are air powered, some are electric, all are freakin awesome.

Drag racers, however, are Pabst Blue Ribbon, Jack Daniels, or Tecate powered, and all are borderline certifiable.

Tip for newcomers:

DO NOT STAND ANYWHERE NEAR THE FINISH LINE.

Gettin a good look at the photo finish of a racer with 6 saw blades spinning at 3000 rpm is probably a bad idea.

Check out the video. Sweeeeeeet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG5kWmJKoos

And click for me- http://www.humor-blogs.com/ or we'll make you hold the checkered flag!

Not much to love..

Love bugs.

Or is it Lovebugs.

These little sex-crazed bastards are everywhere. Flying around like a two-headed lab experiment gone wrong. Decorating car fronts, radiators, and anything that they can possibly smack into.

If only Ford would make trucks with a teflon coating, maybe the front of my ride wouldn't look like it was a bug guts depository.

And maybe I could see out my windshield. Oh yeah, the wipers help. Help smear the innards and wings from paint ball splat, to loooong arched stripe. Nice heh?

Some people suggest puttin a layer of cookin oil on your hood, so the smushed entrails don't stick to your paint job. Or even a better suggestion I've heard, don't drive during the day.

So these people want me to drive around at night with a greased up front end, like a horny vampire, and look for a job on the midnight shift. All in the name of love bug preservation.

There is a beauty to them though.

The female only lives three days.

She hatches, hooks her ass up to the closest male, gets a free ride flyin backwards while they do it, and if they can avoid bein smashed on a windshield, lays eggs, then dies.

So basically, she hooks in, hangs on, shuts up, and passes away.

See the beauty?

My computer no worky

Thanks to Ken at the home office, my computer thing is up and runnin again.

Thanks to all of you who DIDN"T click for me in my state of internet despair and allowed me to plummet down the ranks of humor-blogs.
Yeah, yeah, I'll forgive you, (for a click apiece!)

But hey!
I can't remember when, and don't remember why, but I put this site of idiocracy on Blondies Humor and Fun. I almost forgot all about it. Clicked on it today to find that - (drum roll) - I am #1!

Just goes to show, that ... well , it just goes.

Anycrap on a stick, I'll be back with as much funny as I can possibly spew forth (without getting any on ya) as soon as I cash this check for 360 billion.
So if you need to borrow a billion or two, let me know.

Help Find the Monkees!

Here they come,
Walkin down the street,
Get the funniest looks from,
Every one they meet.....

Hey, hey...

thaaat's enough.

The Monkees are loose!
There is an APB out in Tampa for the Monkeys.

They escaped Saturday and haven't been seen since.

Well, not the Monkees, the monkeys.

15 Patas monkeys.

They escaped from their enclosure on Saturday and are still gone.
See, some zoological nimrod decided that the island surrounded by the moat would simulate their natural environment and hold them in.

Turns out that Patas monkeys CAN SWIM. Probably not a bad thing to strike off the old 'monkey enclosure' checklist.

So these little hellions are hiding out somewhere in Polk County, flingin poo and peein on rooftops.

Next logical step; 25 zookeepers wanderin the streets at all hours of the night, wavin bananas and callin " here monkey, monkey!" Maybe these idiots should google 'monkey' to make sure they eat bananas.

I swear, only in Florida.