Not much to love..

Love bugs.

Or is it Lovebugs.

These little sex-crazed bastards are everywhere. Flying around like a two-headed lab experiment gone wrong. Decorating car fronts, radiators, and anything that they can possibly smack into.

If only Ford would make trucks with a teflon coating, maybe the front of my ride wouldn't look like it was a bug guts depository.

And maybe I could see out my windshield. Oh yeah, the wipers help. Help smear the innards and wings from paint ball splat, to loooong arched stripe. Nice heh?

Some people suggest puttin a layer of cookin oil on your hood, so the smushed entrails don't stick to your paint job. Or even a better suggestion I've heard, don't drive during the day.

So these people want me to drive around at night with a greased up front end, like a horny vampire, and look for a job on the midnight shift. All in the name of love bug preservation.

There is a beauty to them though.

The female only lives three days.

She hatches, hooks her ass up to the closest male, gets a free ride flyin backwards while they do it, and if they can avoid bein smashed on a windshield, lays eggs, then dies.

So basically, she hooks in, hangs on, shuts up, and passes away.

See the beauty?

My computer no worky

Thanks to Ken at the home office, my computer thing is up and runnin again.

Thanks to all of you who DIDN"T click for me in my state of internet despair and allowed me to plummet down the ranks of humor-blogs.
Yeah, yeah, I'll forgive you, (for a click apiece!)

But hey!
I can't remember when, and don't remember why, but I put this site of idiocracy on Blondies Humor and Fun. I almost forgot all about it. Clicked on it today to find that - (drum roll) - I am #1!

Just goes to show, that ... well , it just goes.

Anycrap on a stick, I'll be back with as much funny as I can possibly spew forth (without getting any on ya) as soon as I cash this check for 360 billion.
So if you need to borrow a billion or two, let me know.

Help Find the Monkees!

Here they come,
Walkin down the street,
Get the funniest looks from,
Every one they meet.....

Hey, hey...

thaaat's enough.

The Monkees are loose!
There is an APB out in Tampa for the Monkeys.

They escaped Saturday and haven't been seen since.

Well, not the Monkees, the monkeys.

15 Patas monkeys.

They escaped from their enclosure on Saturday and are still gone.
See, some zoological nimrod decided that the island surrounded by the moat would simulate their natural environment and hold them in.

Turns out that Patas monkeys CAN SWIM. Probably not a bad thing to strike off the old 'monkey enclosure' checklist.

So these little hellions are hiding out somewhere in Polk County, flingin poo and peein on rooftops.

Next logical step; 25 zookeepers wanderin the streets at all hours of the night, wavin bananas and callin " here monkey, monkey!" Maybe these idiots should google 'monkey' to make sure they eat bananas.

I swear, only in Florida.

Hold On To Your Nuts

Not to go too political on ya.
But I can't resist.

The Florida State Senate is voting on the "glands" bill. (Nice name 'eh?). I suppose now that health care and budgetary shortfalls are taken care of, it's on to the big important stuff.

I personally did not ever consider testicles as 'glands', but if that's what the gubment says, it must be so.

The law threatens to ban the lovely bumper ornament known as "truck nutz." You know, those lovely little hang-downs on the back of trucks that clearly indicate that not only is the truck a male, but it's owner was thoughtful enough display his inadequacies in 1 of 14 designer colors.

Call 'em "truck-nutz", call 'em "bumper-balls, call 'em "truckticles", call 'em "trunk-junk", it's testosterone runnin rampant - American style.

If they pass the "twins law"- anyone caught dangling these guys off their ride, will be fined $60.
To put that into perspective, there's already a law fining anyone caught taking cell phone pictures up womens skirts , $25. Which means boy parts are more than twice as offensive as girl parts. -Duh.

So basically, the gubment doesn't like people with balls.
If they catch you, they will have your balls removed - for $60.
I figure if they want to start legislating castration, they should start with the Catholic church.

ILLUSION EXPLAINED

Original, in all its misunderstood glory.

..and for those who saw the lamp, boobs, or Elvis at a gas station..

Just wanted to Bee sure to clarify any misunderstanding.

EENIE, MEENIE, MINEY....

....... I ..uhh ..got nothin. (nyuk nyuk)

It's Hip To Be Square

The weather has been absolutely great.

Which means two things.

Time for the sun-worshippers to hit the beaches

and time for dustin off the Hog.

That's right, every middle-aged, balding, overweight, yuppie who owns a Harley will soon be cruisin the streets of Mytown, U.S.A. in all their wanna-be glory.

The transformation begins at the local Harley dealership. Where polyester suit and tie are traded for the trademark Harley 'mandana' and a pair of leather chaps.

(Don't want to get frostbite on your legs ridin around in Florida)

They then, I assume, check your credit, check you for the grey/black goatee, and check that you are truly having a mid-life crisis.

You will then straddle 1600cc's of American made roarin' steel, with a saleswoman telling you just how wild and free you look on there and how young and dangerous you must be to be considering the 'Harley' lifestyle. And let's face it, since you've never ridden a bike before, you are gonna need the heaviest bike with tons of horsepower.

Consider this, pinhead.

You are old.

You are lame.

We are laughing at you.

You'd be better off driving around in a convertible, with the top down and the windows up.

And why not buy one of those cool helmets with the horns or the big spike on top?

That would make you the coolest guy on your block.

Don't get me wrong, the bike is bad-ass. Please, park it where I can check it out.

But then hide, so I'm not distracted by the walking stack of dork.

One question though, lame-o,

What is the penalty for riding a Harley without wearing a Harley t-shirt?

It must be pretty stiff, because no one rides without sportin the logo.

Wonder if it's safe to drive my truck without a Ford shirt.

Just wonderin.